A few nights ago, I was reading a devotion from the book Finding Joy: More Confessions of an Irritable Mother. The author, Karen Hossink, was telling about a difficult morning she had, and how she felt like God had given her a hug through a store clerk's kindness, which turned her crabbiness into a smile. She writes, "I got into the van and I asked Him, Why? Why are You so kind to me? I have been moody and irritable. I am an emotional mess. Why do You love me? Then I remembered the Truth about God's love. It is unconditional. He does not take cues from me to decide whether or not He is going to love me on any particular day. God does not hold back on His love when I am PMSing, and He does not pour it out more richly when I am following in the footsteps of Mary Poppins. He loves me unconditionally, simply because He chooses to."
I love that! My eyes welled-up with tears, and God started speaking to my heart about how intimately acquainted He is with me. I wrote in my journal:
God knows everything about me (Ps 139:1b) and knit me together in my mother's womb (Ps 139:13b). Even the very hairs on my head are all numbered (Mt 10:30). Not even a single sparrow, worth only half a penny, can fall to the ground without my heavenly Father knowing it, and I am more valuable to Him than a whole flock of sparrows (Mt 10:29,31). How good it feels to know that I'm not just a number... not just lumped in with a group... but that I am an individual, and I was tailor-made by Him, making me His workmanship.
That evening with God was so personal and I felt the warmth of His presence. He reassured me that He is using this time (the pain/grief I've had in my heart for the last 2+ years) to deepen my faith in His love and grace, and just to give me a greater depth of concept of who He is. And to that I respond:
O Lord, I give my life to You.
I trust in You, my God!
Lead me by Your truth and teach me,
for You are the God who saves me.
All day long I put my hope in You!