Here's what I'd do differently...

Hit rewind, click delete
Stand face to face with the younger me
All of the mistakes
All of the heartbreak
Here's what I'd do differently

I'd love like I'm not scared
Give when it's not fair
Live life for another
Take time for a brother
Fight for the weak ones
Speak out for freedom
Find faith in the battle
Stand tall but above it all
Fix my eyes on you, on you

I learned the lines and talked the talk
(Everybody knows that, everybody knows that)
But the road less traveled is hard to walk
(Everybody knows that, everybody knows)
It takes a soldier
Who knows his orders
To walk the walk I'm supposed to walk

And love like I'm not scared
Give when it's not fair
Live life for another
Take time for a brother
Fight for the weak ones
Speak out for freedom
Find faith in the battle
Stand tall but above it all
Fix my eyes on you, on you

The things of Earth are dimming
In the light of Your glory and grace
I'll set my sights upon Heaven
I'm fixing my eyes on you, on you
I'm fixing my eyes on you, on you
I'm fixing my eyes

Love like I'm not scared
Give when it's not fair
Live life for another
Take time for a brother
Fight for the weak ones
Speak out for freedom
Find faith in the battle
Stand tall but above it all
Fix my eyes on you, on you
I fix my eyes on you, on you
I fix my eyes on you, on you

*"Fix My Eyes" - by For King and Country

Seeing myself as God sees me

I really blew it this morning.

My youngest son's school occasionally provides the opportunity to "buy" an out-of-uniform day by giving students the option of donating $5 toward the big 6th grade trip to Washington DC.  So I set the informational form and a five-dollar bill on the kitchen counter.

In the mere minutes after that action, as my sweet little 2nd grader fumbled around trying to get his things ready for school, he suddenly discovered that the $5 was missing. 

"Well I'm not giving you another $5," I snapped. "You'll have to figure it out yourself." And I walked away.

Seriously?  What kind of mom does that?!

Wow.  Where does that kind of stuff even come from?  My mom wasn't like that. At. All.  She was always so patient and gracious.  (At least that's what I remember.)

I mean, I wasn't even feeling angry at him.  And then it dawns on me:  that's how I would speak to myself.  You dummy. How could you lose $5? You better find it.

So God nudges me.  Sara, that kind of self talk is a lie.  You need to replace those antagonistic thoughts about yourself with the truth of what I think about you.

Negative self talk has plagued me much of my life.  And it never really occurred to me until today that when I allow myself to mentally speak those destructive thoughts to myself, I am reinforcing a lie from the devil about who I am.

Here's the truth about what God says about me (and you):

I am an image bearer of God—made in His image!
[Genesis 1:27]

God knit me together, and I am wonderfully made!
[Psalm 139:13-14]

I am God's masterpiece!  (Not a dummy!)
[Ephesians 2:10]

I am God's child!
[John 1:12]

I am loved!
[John 3:15, John 15:9, John 17:23]

I am forgiven!
[Romans 5:8, Hebrews 9:28, Hebrews 10:12]

God sees me as being without fault—because of Jesus!
[Colossians 1:22, Hebrews 10:17]

I am so thankful that not only am I forgiven for my unkind words to my son, but also that God doesn't think I'm a dummy, or worthless, or any other negative thing my mind can conjure up.  I am God's child—lovingly and thoughtfully created by Him for His good purposes!  (And the same goes for you!)

Incidentally, I asked my son to forgive me (he graciously did) and the I asked for a "do-over" (which he gladly performed with me).  I'm thankful for that too. :)

Where's the joy?

Peter asked Jesus, "What about him, Lord?"  Jesus replied, "What is that to you? As for you, follow Me."  (John 21:21-22)

Lately I've found myself muttering, "Lord, how am I supposed to be joyful in these circumstances? with these disappointing elements? and these joy-sucking factors?"

But what I realized is that my mindset is all about pleasure and how things affect me—instead of a mindset fixed on God's perfect plan for my life and doing His will, no matter how unpleasant it may seem.

I spend too much time looking around and comparing my lot in life with other Christian women I know.  "What about her, Lord?  It's easy for her to be joyful because her husband is like this and her children are like that." 

We can debate about what 'her' life really might be like behind closed doors... but whether or not my observation is true, I need to focus on God's plan for my life—run the race that God has set before me. (Hebrews 12:1)

Do you think it was easy for Corrie ten Boom to be joyful in the concentration camps? Her positive perspective was a choice, based on her trust in Jesus.   Her joy wasn't in her circumstances, but that she had a loving Savior and that her name was written in heaven! (Luke 10:20)

God has a specific purpose and plan for my life.  I have the opportunity to impact the people around me by how I choose to respond to it.  My glum or joy-filled response affects my husband, my children, my friends, and even unknown onlookers.

When the circumstances of my life seem unpleasant, will I choose to look to God for guidance and comfort, trusting in His Word and His ways?  Or will I wallow and grumble about how it's all my fault—or someone else's fault—and obsess about how different choices might have made my life easier??

We are confident that God is able to orchestrate everything to work toward something good and beautiful when we love Him and accept His invitation to live according to His plan. (Romans 8:28, VOICE)

God can take something that appears unpleasant, or even unbearable, and turn it into something life-changingly beautiful!  We need to trust in His goodness and His love!